Short Bio: 23 year old Caucasian female. Currently a 1L law student. Second oldest of 8 children. Raised in a loving family. No history of significant health or psychological issues. Some history of depression in immediate family.
I have a track record of academic excellence. While I am not exactly what you would call an ‘overachiever’, I am a shrewd and efficient student. I finished my freshman year of college during my senior year of high school, graduated in the top 5% of my high school class, received a hefty scholarship to a leading university, and graduated magna cum laude. Due to my advanced credit status I could have completed a B.A. in 2 1/2 years, but opted to stretch it to 4 because I wanted a full “college experience” and, well, my scholarship extended 4 years and I wanted to take advantage of it. Anyway, blah blah blah, that’s only to illustrate the fact that I don’t have a history of poor performance in the past.
Now to the point. I have landed myself in law school (once again riding on a generous scholarship). However I am struggling to find motivation to strive for excellence, or even mediocrity for that matter. I have lost my ‘purpose’, I suppose. I’ve been racking my brain to identify what has been my source of motivation up until this point….and I have no clue. I take my butt to the library every day to study, only to end up spending hours reading about the health care debate, or researching whatever odd topic I find interesting that day. Ridiculous!! It’s like I’m subconsciously sabotaging myself!! Every day I I leave school vowing to ‘do better’ tomorrow and feeling like a lost cause.
Also, I used to be a workout-aholic. I would work out every day, didn’t matter if I was hungover, tired, or whatever. For the past 8 weeks (since school started basically) I’ve been allowing myself to skip the gym repeatedly because, “I’m tired”. Again, ridiculous!
I feel like I am falling apart! I wish someone could help me to be, well, myself, like I used to be. The bottom line is, I am just not motivated to do anything productive. It really is terrible, and I know I sound like a lazy fool.
If you have any words of wisdom please share.
**ALSO**I am not soliciting advice that is in any way related to God or Religion. I will delete any such responses immediately. I have lost all appreciation for Religion after 20 years as a member of a prominent faith community. I have tried that route and it didn’t work for me so PLEASE don’t tell me to ‘pray’ or anything similar.