I’m in my second year of college and i’m just sick of it!
I used to freak out about grades, but now when i’m about to get a bad grade i can’t even bring myself to feel upset about it. My good grades was the only thing i had. Now i’m procrastinating to the point where its not humanly possible to finish my school work on time and i can’t even make myself care
Without my school work i have NOTHING!
I have 2 “friends” who aren’t even really that good of friends. They actually pretty much suck at being friends to me. One of them forgot my birthday this year, and when she does get me gifts they’re never wrapped, and always suck!
The other friend is too busy with everything else to ever spend any time with me and is so annoying. She never thinks to call me, or invite me over, or anything like that. The only time i see her is when i initiate it.
So basically my friends suck.
And another thing:
Guys! AHHH!!! I’ve never had a boyfriend, or even a guy as a friend.
I’m way too shy to talk to anyone let alone guys. And no one (girls or guys) ever talks to me.
It’s soooooo pathetic! I’ve tried all my life to be less shy, but i just CAN’T do it!!!!
And ANOTHER thing!
I still live with my parents, and i have no job!
All i do is sit around on my fat *** (and i mean REALLY fat), go to class, rarely do homework, rarely go anywhere and when i do go somewhere its usually with my parents, and sit and sit and sit!!!!!
Most of the time i just wish i could move to another state or another country, leave EVERYTHING in this life behind (even my family) and just start over where no one knows i’m a loser.
And ANOTHER thing!
Literally everyone that i talk to asks me “what are you majoring in?” or “what are you gonna do with your life?”
Well, I DON’T KNOW!!!!! So stop asking!
I WAS interested in marine biology so i could travel, but then i looked at the course load and it’s RIDICULOUS!!!!! I’d be in college for a tleast 4 or 6 more years!
And i’m already sick of school as it is!
I told my mom about being sick of school, and she said “well take a year off and get a job.”
but i don’t wanna do that either! I’d still just be living with my parents, doing nothing but going to a dead end job that i’d probably hate (if i can even get a job), still fat, still a loser with no friends, still hating my life!
And another thing:
I don’t even think i wanna get married or have kids. Atleast not for a LOOOOONG time. I want an exciting life. Not a suburban life. I want to travel or live somewhere interesting.
I want to be motivated to do things, and have fun. I’m almost in my twenties. I wanna party (but with who?).
I feel like i’m stuck in a circle.
I wanna do marine biology—gotta go to school
I’m sick of school—-get a job
I gotta get outta here—get into marine biology
No matter what i do, i gotta do something sucky for who knows how long first.
The only thing i can think of that MIGHT (and that’s a big might) help is this:
I have a sister who lives in another state. I know she would let me come live with her, but i would have to get a job to help with money. If i do that, and don’t go to school, will i be doing that for the rest of my life? Cuz how far can you get without going to college?
Even if i do stay in college, my family has no money. My dad has no job, we’re almost considered poor, but in comparison to the way some people have it, we’re doing ok.
So if i do stay in college, i’d have to rely on scholarships and financial aid. and i don’t wanna be paying off debts for the rest of my life.
and what if i don’t get the scholarships?
And i know its not realistic and everyone wants this but what i REALLY want in life is to be rich. I mean RICH! Like billionaire rich. Richer than Oprah rich!
I know its silly but i can’t stop thinking about having all the money in the world.
I wanna build this amazing house that i already thought up.
I wanna donate to charities
I wanna help out my family
I wanna be RICH!!!
I’ve spent my whole life never having enough money to get the things i want and always having to settle and always hearing my parents say “how much is it?” and “no, too much money”
and it’s hard! its so hard to never know what its like to be able to just buy something ANYTHING and not worry about spending even $10 that would’ve been better spent on gas or food.
….OK, i think i covered everything, or atleast almost everything. This stuff has been eating me up inside for atleast a year now, and i just wish i could change ONE of the things i mentioned. Just one change would help me cope with the rest. idk… it just sucks…
Does life always suck like this?
I’m moving to frickin’ Australia man!!
